Dormant SNES stalks convenience stores across Tokyo

I was in a Lawson convenience store near Tamachi the other day when I saw this:

4 years in Japan, and I never noticed these before

A SNES dashboard. Hmm.

It was a part of this beast;

Is anyone else disturbed by this?

Loppi is basically a mini Box office machine. You can buy tickets for concerts, museums, theme parks etc. there. I was buying tickets for the Gibli museum.

A quick internet search turned this up: http://www.nintendo.co.jp/nom/0011/index.html

Seems that this has been around since 2000, with 163 SNES titles available, and Gameboy games too! You ask at the till and pay per 10 minutes. I wonder if they still work? Has anyone out there had any luck? I flipped the power switch, but there was no sign of life. I didn't have time to ask the staff about it. That's my excuse, anyway.

It's political incorrectness gone made

It's strange how major life events like starting a career can really hit your blogging output. I realise that March has been a skinny month. I've had plenty of things to talk about. They're piling up, but fading in clarity, much as they did in my FFXII obsession era (I haven't touched since, and may never again. Everyone has limits).
I don't really want to go into any great depths job-wise just yet. It's only been two days. Let's see how it pans out though.

What I really want to talk about today is the USA. Yeh, the States, baby! That's one crazy place right there. A fat, pulsating boil that you can't help but look at. I feel that when one looks at the States, one can see a gushing rainbow of humanity's diversity. The good and the bad. The beautiful and the repellent.
To start with the bad, I watched the Al Gore documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth" last weekend.

No witty comments here.

No, I'm not saying that the documentary was bad. Suffice to say, the documentary does not cast the Bush administration in the most angelic of lights.

Let's not beat around the... uh, Bush... let's just beat the f****r directly. Damn, I hate that guy. That will never change. Watching this documentary, it occurred to me that the greatest historical event of the last ten years, objectively, is not 9/11 and terrorism, but a small number of Florida voters in 2000. Would the world be a better place if Gore had become president, rather than Bush? I don't doubt it for one moment. It saddened me deeply. That Bush won that election, and then got re-elected, fills me with profound despair. My faith in my fellow man drops. This guy is filling the world with resentment; promoting animosity and greed.

So I guess it's not too surprising to come across comments like this on the internet. Frequently. I've censored them for you, sweet children.

Rabownsyou (1 month ago)

Christ, I wish I could poke out everything wrong with American's. I f*****g hate them so much.

assimilate (1 month ago)

i hate americans.

phazzydoo (6 months ago)

lol, trying to sell an intellectual quiz show to Yanks, they're fat.

Firstly, it shocks me that people are willing to post comments like this on the internet. Publishing racist comments for the world to see. Secondly, the "intellectual quiz show"in question is "Countdown". Sigh.
I found these in the comments section of a Youtube video. It was an excerpt from Charlie Brooker's "Screen Wipe" TV show, where he shows clips of British TV shows to Americans. He deliberatly chooses campy, extreme examples. Unsurprisingly, the American audience find "The Bill" and "Countdown" to be cheesy, and, well, crap. And let's face it - that's what they are.

What I want to say is that just because we hate Bush (and rightfully so - he is a **** *******, a ***** ******, and ******** **************), it doesn't mean that all Americans are like that. Sure, they elected him (allegedly), but lets remember that only about 35% of Americans voted. and 51% of them voted Republican. So, we should only be disgusted with 18% of Americans.

I have been privileged to meet lots of Americans in my lifetime. And I've liked plenty of them. They aren't deserving of such baseless hatred. They can be funny, intelligent, sarcastic and they are clearly aware of their country's deficiencies.

Let's try to remember that the US has produced books, music, movies, games, TV shows, art etc. etc. of the highest quality and diversity. It would be callous to deny that we like any of it.

So, the Youtube people who stuck up for "The Bill". Can you really tell me that it is better than "The Wire" in any way, and expect me not to guffaw in your face?

I was led to "The Wire", ironically enough, by Charlie Brooker again

I watched all 40 episodes of The Wire in just over a week. Utterly gripping stuff. The UK could never produce anything like this. We need the US. I'm not sure if I'd like to live their myself, but on a visceral level, we need it. It's a mirror for us all to look in; because we all could end up like that. The highs the lows.

If only more Americans bothered to vote.

Good acting is for actors

As you have no doubt noticed, a lot of my acting work consists of cheesy dramatic reconstructions. There is big demand for them on Japanese TV, so there is consequently constant demand for actors.

In the acting industry here, the process goes as follows;

1. The agency calls you with a possible job. If you are available on those days, you give them "First Keep". If you might be available (i.e. you already have a first keep), then you give them "Second Keep" etc.
2. The agency sends your profile to the production company - "Picture Selection"
3. If the production company like you, you'll be invited to the audtion for the part.
4. Some time later, you get a call telling you if you got the part or not.

When it comes to reconstruction jobs, step 3 gets cut, and the production company chooses actors purely from the supplied photographs - basically taking a chance on acting ability. The voices get dubbed, so accents aren't an issue. In fact, you don't even need to speak English. Once, I had a role as a father. I spoke to my wife in English. She replied in Russian. My kids cheered on in Japanese. Wild times! Truly, an international family.
For the record, the pay rate for reconstructions (called Saigen here) is appropriately poor.

Anyway, seems this week that a Saigen director got a bit too big for her boots, and thought it might be a good idea to actually do some auditions this time. Man, I'm pretty sure that I don't want them to pick me for this one! I'm sure the pay is crap anyway.

Anyway, this is what I had to do "off the cuff" in the audition. This should shut up any of you guys who think that this job is a cakewalk. If it doesn't - well - you are welcome to try for yourselves. I guess some people prefer hugging Eastern European models.

Basically, I turned up at the audition along with two blonde females - a Slovakian and a Russian (you would probably have fancied both of them). As the only guy, I had to pair up for the both of them (arf).

First scene. Slovakian girl tells me that she is pregnant. But. She has two wombs**. There are two babies in one of them, and one in the other. The emotions swirl in my head - dazzled by elation, struck by shock, smitten with anxiety... then I do it all over again with the Russian girl.
My emotions frazzled, we move straight onto the next scene. Back with the Slovakian. The doctor looks us in the eye: "I'm afraid there has been a miscarriage...". Cue scenes of disbelief, anger, shock; yeh, we're talking about the whole spectrum here! This is pure gold, so we do it all over again with the Russian girl. She doesn't take the news very well, and crumbles into my masculine arms.
No time to waste, so we plunge straight into the next scene - my Slovakian wife is giving birth - and - just as I had always expected, it didn't look that painful (just looked like they had serious piles to me). The baby is out in no time, and we share our elation with the world. Should I kiss her? Probably not. The doctor shows us our new addition - a beautiful Panasonic remote control has emerged from her designer jeans. Classic prop that - I do hope they find something more realistic for the actual filming though.

Congratulations

No sooner are we celebrating all this than my Russian wife is shoved in the chair. Her feeble hands gently squeeze mine as I command her to must her utmost power to evict the alien mass from her spasming body. As I am whisked once more to the highest of human emotions, the doctor shows us our child - another Panasonic remote. I'm starting to realise why those TV repairs took so long now.

It's all over. The three of us leave the audition - elated, depressed and unsure whether we should feel a common bond or simple humility. As professional actors, we luckily have no emotions of our own save vanity, so we leave it at that.

This post started out serious, but seems to have degenerated into flip-flap based on real events. One can only apologise.

I wonder if I'll get this part. If I do, I will try to cry for you all. That would be a befitting climax, wouldn't it.

**I think both of the girls got confused. Or had never heard the English word "womb" before. They kept on telling me that they had "..two rooms - two babies in one, and one in the other". Luckily, I knew what they were really trying to say. I have a deep understanding of women like that, see.

Deus Ex Machina tops off Ultimate Week!!

Operating Theatre or train? You decide

I'm writing this now at 5:30am Tokyo time, denied my basic human sleep-needs and nursing a hot Tesco-branded Lemsip. I've come down with a heavy phlegm-cold that I used to get once a year, but which now strikes me about 4 times each winter since moving to Tokyo. It's a consequence of 20 million people converging on a limited number of trains day in, day out. When you first arrive here, you think that the mask-wearing train sufferers are just eccentric or hypochondriacs - but soon, you come to respect them. Indeed, you start to loathe the salarymen who don't wear them, as they make barely any effort to keep their nasal audio level down (or control their death-rot breath, for that matter).

It's a cruel way to end what has otherwise been a fantastic week. So, let's un-digress.


Well, I guess that I should start with the big news - that is to say - that - yes, - I have got a new job! My original purpose when I came to Japan was to gather up steam and get a video-game job in Japan. With my visa expiring this month, I was pretty much set to go back to the UK, slightly defeated, to search a job out there. Heck, I've tried hard enough to get a game job here over the past year. Time after time I was rejected.
Well, after reading every - single - job mail-list email that I've received over the past 18 months, yeh, I've finally bagged one! It has been almost uncanny. It just so happens that the president of this company is also the only Japanese developer that I have ever met before - he gave a keynote at the Game Developers Conference in London when I was still a student - and the company is small enough in size that the interview was directly with him. I'm not going to give away who the company is just yet - you never know who might be reading! Heh.
The company is getting lots of demand from Europe and North America, so they really need someone who can handle the bilingual communications. It's a little bit daunting to be the only foreigner in the company, and at times my Japanese ability will be pushed to it's limits. Having said that, this is what I've always wanted - total immersion is the best way to improve after all.
The actual job title is "Assistant Planner", so I should get the chance to learn some production and management techniques - especially considering the size of the company. It's almost too perfect.

Wow, the Lemsip is kicking in already. If there's one thing worth importing to this country, that's it.

So yeh, I start this job in less than two weeks, and so another page (a big page) turns over in my book. Sadly, it looks like I will have to pack in the acting. To begin with I will be outsourced to the company by a recruiter, and they don't allow any days off in the three month "trial period".

It's strange really because lately the acting has been going great. This week I was filming my highest-paid job yet. It was a promotional video for a health products company (*cough* quasi-pyramid program *cough cough*) that they will use to open a conference they are holding for their customers in the Makuhari Messe (where Tokyo Game Show and Comicon is held) in April. The whole thing went very smoothly, the hours were reasonable, and at the end of it they even let me keep the tailor-made suit and shoes that I wore during the shoot! They're pretty nice!
In addition, I have a job with NHK (The Japanese BBC) next week. About two hours of work for 250 pounds. Paid on the spot. All I have to do is smile and make British animal noises for a kids TV show. Usually I'm the one paying other people to make animal noises. **
I've also been offered a part in a video game cut-scene, and have another possible credited movie role - but it looks like I will sadly have to turn these down now. Looks like a cake that I won't be eating.

** Lie told for the purpose of a joke. Honestly.

In other, unrelated news, I got a new laptop this week. My previous PC was a nice little unit, but the lack of an internal optical drive was really annoying. It also had an annoying, incurable virus. So, I imported an 14" Widescreen HP unit from the States. Man, the States is just so much cheaper than anywhere else for PC's. Even after an $80 shipping fee, and after my UK bank had their fun charging ridiculous foreign transaction fees, it still came out as much cheaper than anything I could find in the UK. It's a special edition unit. Very nice.

It even has a mini remote control that stores itself in the PC card slot.
Very nice. But never gonna use it. Never gonna use it.

Well, yeh, that's about it really. Looks like I'll be in Japan for awhile yet. To those of you who were looking forward to my return - well - my apologies. I recently came to realise that I really do like it here. And for now, the future teems with optimism.