The MASSIVE Update Part 1 - the deepest well

It's funny how hard it is to blog when a) you have a full time job and b) you don't have Internet at home.



In the end, I have decided to satiate the quenchless thirst of my two's of fans who have demanded a recommencement of my blog.



Without any further excuses then. Let's proceed.





So, I have been working at my new job now for two months. The job that saved it all, and sparked a series of chaotic events that have changed my life pattern in MASSIVE ways (the title has many readings, like an overtly generic kanji).



I've decided not to talk about intimate work-related details on the blog. In fact, I'm not even going to say who I work for. I'm a coward like that. If you want to know, you can always ask me. In fact, if you're reading this, then you probably know already.



I received the job title of 'Overseas Business Manager', and I basically oversee all communications with our overseas clients. Now that quirky, casual games are all the rage, we have come into huge demand, so it's a great time to join the company. I think we are going to succeed quite a lot.



Back in the day, I encountered a lot of frustration applying for all the big companies - Konami, Capcom etc. How lucky I was. How strange fate is. In many ways, my job is perfect. We are not bound by many of the usual problems that beset most Japanese companies. The boss is very forward-thinking, and likes to show trust in his junior employees - he always sits at the back of the room in meetings. There is no "working your way up the ladder" in this company. I am allowed as much freedom and responsibility as is necessary. I feel that my input helps, and I really believe that things are about to go well for us.



I work in Aoyama, which is trendy and nice and the sun always shines. Our office is cosy and colourful, like a designer playpen. I work in a room where everybody except me has had a professional record contract. Or still has one. We rarely work overtime. Sometimes we play with robots.



Yeh, good times.


But anyway.

I'm starting to think that life is like a tripod. It has three legs.

Work.

Love/friendship.

Self.

If one of these is failing, you will wobble a bit, but you can survive. It will eat away at you slowly though.

If two of them fail, you will crash down into depression.

If three of them are buggered, then well, so are you.



Finally, I have one solid leg. The work leg. It is a good leg, and strong, and I'm glad that it's finally there.



With this leg in place, I recently kicked out another one that had been withered down by time. I ended my 4 year relationship with my girlfriend. A most complex affair. Sometimes I wonder if it was the right decision - or if I had made her a scapegoat for all my own problems. For sure, she supported me steadfastly through thick and thin. But now that it's over, there is definite relief. It was a relationship where I felt myself weakening, withdrawing into a shell. I was losing self-respect, and because of that, I was very nervous around new people. Heck, even people who I had know for a year or two. This was a leg of the tripod that was getting so big, and so demanding, that I was sacrificing myself for it.

Hmm, well, I was hoping to find a way to describe this event without looking selfish, but maybe there just isn't one.

We all have to make difficult decisions from time to time.

I had been postponing this one for some time. Maintaining the status quo helps no-one in the long term

It got to the point that even TV shows seemed to holding hidden messages for me. Even Peep Show was giving me relationship guidance.



Two weeks on, I feel better. I'm starting to adapt. Last week was golden week in Japan. Lot's of days off. It was not a good time to have days off. I mostly sat there on my sofa trying to get my head around things.

Luckily I have a very big head, so I'm pretty much stabilised now. I still have the odd wonky patch though.



So. That's one leg of the tripod gone. What of the final one? What of the self?



Things are looking up for the self. It is time for, "the era of self".

Some people - or - well- just my brother - would argue that this era has actually spanned my entire life. But to be honest, I've been feeling like I've been fading out the past few years. I was being watered down. It was easier to drink, but not as tasty.



The first step to this new era was acquiring a new apartment. Wow, seems like a long time ago already. I thought that moving house would be fun, but in truth it was hugely stressful. Because of this I didn't think too much about the break-up until after it had happened, and yes, I was shell-shocked for all of Golden Week.



But I did it. I pulled through all the obstacles. I leaped over the racist barriers. I sidestepped the financial pitfalls. But know I have a pretty sweet apartment to show for it, and not much left to stress over.



Arranging an apartment as a single foreigner with a Japanese estate agent is. very. hard. Most people turn you down flat before they have even met you. A state of affairs that would be deeply illegal in my country. Whilst it may be true that there are numbers of foreigners who do bad stuff - are noisy, do not pay their last month's rent etc - to refuse someone else because of this perception is straightforward discrimination. And the government do nothing to protect us, even though it's endemic in this country. If they want to start becoming more international, then hey, here's somewhere to start.
End of rant.



The moving day was also extremely tough. My friend Matt and I hired a truck and did it ourselves, saving hundreds of pounds. I will forever be indebted to him for this - it was a massive undertaking and a huge favour; more than we anticipated. My new apartment is on the 4th floor, with no elevator. My three-seater sofa was a nightmare. As was the book shelf, and my limitless hordes of stuff. I wish I could throw things away. I just love stuff so much. Why do I need three Neo Geo Pocket Colours? Maybe some day, the answers to all these mysterious questions will become obvious.

Crashdown - April 28th

I was very doubtful that I'd be able to fit so much stuff into my two-room apartment... did I manage it? Or do I have to sleep on the toilet now?

All challenging questions, that will be addressed in Part 2 tomorrow! Don't worry, there will be more positive things in that one.